ღ♥¸¸.·*´¯`♥ღ~♥♥~ Lisa's Quiet Spot ~♥♥~ღ♥¸¸.·*´¯`♥ღ

     The woman behind the eyes of Alzheimer’s

screaming to reach out and find who she once

was; is the greatest woman I know. She holds

so many secrets of life and holds inside her

heart without remembering so much Love for

her family. I laid awake last night starring

out the window thinking about a conversation

I had with Mom the other day.  She was

crying about how this life has failed her and

how badly this life has hurt her since she became

ill and the unfairness of it all.

     As we talked about just how “Unfair” this

illness has truly been to her; I asked her not to

give up that some how & some day it would get

better. Not quite sure how or when but that I do

know it would because God loves her very much.

Mom told me she didn’t feel Gods love in her

any more; and she doesn’t feel Gods presence in

her life at all. How very deeply saddening this

must feel to Love God your whole life and know

everyday he was there for you catching you when

you fell or rejoicing with you as you celebrated

something special. The little knowing’s of his

presence that means more to you.

     Then the words just came from within as a

reminder; I looked at Mom and told her that I

had enough Faith for us both. That I had learned

Faith from her! Mom looked at me surprised

and said “You Did?’ I said yes mam you taught

me how to have Faith and you taught me how

to Love learning about a God I had so many

issues with; especially at a time when I too had

“No Faith” and truly “No Belief” in anything.

All I knew about this God was I didn’t understand

his ways in this world I had seen far too much

pain; far too much heartache; and walked through

way too many storms which I thought would never

leave.

     Yet at one of my hardest storms ever to face;

Mom one day just came out to our home walked in

the door and said she just felt a need to talk to me

about Gods love for me and Pray with me.

Explaining to me that no matter what we were

going threw at that very moment God loved me

enough to walk threw it with me & us. I just

needed to rest in Faith that he is here and he

knows my every need; as well as my every hurt.

And he loves me enough to help carry me through

when walking on my own seemed to hard to do

by myself. I slowly began to learn of this God she

knew and she loved and before I knew it she had

me believing on a Faith I could not see but in my

heart I knew was there everyday no matter whether

I was Faithful to him or not. Mom then told me

that no matter how heavy the Cross I was carrying

at that very moment; it would never weigh as heavy

as the very Cross God carried that day he gave his

very life for that of ours.I don't know just how she

knew I needed to know of this Faith & this Love

from God  or even what led her to come share with

me; except for knowing and the simple understanding

that it was God leading us in everything we do

and she was led to me that very day when I was at

a time in need of hearing.

    I reminded Mom of this very conversation and

with a small tiny tear in her eye she said Thank

you. A simple Thank you from such a loving woman

for reminding her that yes her very Cross right now is

heavy more heavier than any other she has ever carried

in all her days; yet she knows God was helping her

hold it up. This small conversation doesn’t always

make her feel better since most days are too heavy on

her heart to be able to see much less feel; but oh when

it does help you can just see a Peace come over her face

and for a short time she is ok with where she is at in this

life.

     Alzheimer’s Disease is such a cruel illness and I

will never understand just “Why” Mom has been

made to suffer from it; or why she must bare the pain

so deeply inside from such an illness. Yet I do know

God is standing beside her; holding her hand even

when she can’t feel his hand in hers. This is so

unfair watching her walk this way and having to

watch her children being forced to walk this way with

her. Knowing there is nothing they too can do but

Love her through each new day she is given and

learn more about what real & true

“Unconditional Love” truly means at a time

such as this.

     Families are our greatest gifts from God;

we should cherish them with a hand gripped

so tightly around theirs that your hands feel as

though they would break if you were to let go.

No matter how badly we hurt or how strong

the storms are that come our way; our Families

are our safety nets they are our soft place to fall

when we can no longer stand alone. Mom & her

Family have given to me a gift for which I

am eternally Grateful for. They have taught me

true “Family” which holds such a deeper meaning

that just a word you say. You don’t walk away

just because someone hurt your feelings or a

small misunderstanding came your way. You

stay; you stand beside; you hold each other

up; you love one another as no one else ever

could.  God has allowed every trial I have ever

walked through just so I could come here to

this place in my life to rest in Faith & Love.

What more could anyone ever ask for? I belong

to a Family that loves me no matter; how could

I not help Mom stand now as she did that very 

day for me. 

     So as our Pastor has been preaching on

“What if you only had 30 days left to live?”

What would you do? How would you live each

one of those 30 days? I want to live them

Passionately with more Love than ever thought

possible; I know I will never do anything grand;

Yet I already have I am a Mom of two amazing

daughter’s and I am the wife of one very amazing

and awesome man; and I am a sister to several

amazing women; and I am a daughter of an

amazing God & Moms. The rest is just a journey

that I no longer have to walk alone; you can’t

hurt someone that has that knowledge deeply

planted within their heart. Try hard to always be

quick to Forgive & very slow to Anger life is

all too short to hold onto anything which has no

true value. May God always Bless your journeys

throughout this life with more Love & more Faith

than you ever thought possible.

                                                 ~ Lisa

       Haven’t done much blogging lately, I do try to keep

my site’s up and maintain them though. Seems like too

much time just slips away or I can become lazy at the

things I used to enjoy. But life does have a way of slipping

in the storms of life that tamper with the Joys we tend to

take for granted. Since Savanna moved back home we have

been visiting Mom together during the day time; Mom has

her moments when she is in a good mood and is easy to

enjoy those visits; and then there are the moments that you

just sit and watch time slip on by as she banters on and on

endlessly about death and other such grand things to listen

too. Most of the times when it is just me & her I am able to

turn her mood and we have a wonderful visit and do the small

talks about what has been and what is to come. I enjoy visitng

her during the day time more than in the evening. The evening

times are harder to watch on her than the day time hours. Not

quite sure what the difference in hours maybe but there is most

certainly a difference. I like watching her rub Savanna's

baby bump more than anything else; she just smiles the largest

smile.

     Mom is the most beautiful woman even when she is at her

maddest or bantering moments; it is during those few seconds

you can see her questioning just “Why God” is this happening

to her? Which is a question all of her three children and the

rest of us question on a daily basis; Why in deed God? God

holds all the answers and I am sure he will sit for a time an

explain just  what these days are about with her. I am sure

Mom will give him an earful as to just how hard thiese days

have been on her especially  when she has always been such a

Faithful servant for him.       

       Savanna has gotten completely moved back into her

little house attached to the back of our home; Kaitlyn’s little

baby room is completely set~up and ready for her to come home

too when she is born. I know Savanna can’t wait for Stephen

to return home from Iraq even if it is for only 10 short days.

Which once Kaitlyn is home those days will fly past them both

way too fast. Savanna gets so tickled about them getting to

Skype with each other and most times I will sit back there in

the back~ground and take photos of the two of them talking

as if they had their very own paparazzi snapping their moments

of laughter and their eyes starring back at one another with

such love & adoration for one another. Then Savanna puts the

 photos on her blog in order to share with her friend’s back

at Fort Stewart. We call them the many faces of Stephen during

their conversation as he has so many…..LOL

      I took Samantha for her yearly MRI last week so that

Dr Nanda can keep an eye on her aneurysm they found year

after the wreck her & Savanna were in first part of last year.

The one time we can be Thankful for an auto accident that

Savanna has been in. Other wise we would have never known

it was there; so now we can keep an eye on it every year.

Samantha’s headaches are still just as worse now as they were

in the very beginning after the accident I feel so badly for her

being a sufferer of migraine headaches; but she is just like the

rest of us you get used to them being there and go on about

your day.  She will also have minor noise bleeds every once

in a while so this just started this year. The MRI showed up

really good now that her braces are off and the radiologist

which done the MRI took an extra one called MRA especially

for aneurysms; after the testing’s were over she had a bad

reaction from the contrasting they had to use for the end of

the MRI tests. Not sure just why guess it can just happen her

first MRI last year we just finished and left not this time we

had to stay there till after 5 PM.

      Lots of Praying and waiting till May 8^th gets here and

we go and see Dr Nanda so he can read the scans and the

report telling us what it shows this time. I am running out

of having patience!! The older I get the more impatient I

have become. I want to know “Right Spanking Now” what this

disk is showing or saying to the doctors… Of course the

Radiologist made sure he showed it to 3 different doctors

while we were there yet would not give us any information except

that it is very visible.

       Well time is flying by this morning and I have many

chores I should be starting on guess I will get busy before it

is time to leave for school. Hope everyone has a very Blessed week.

                                                       Lisa 

The Best I Can Do or Be

Lately it seems this life has many of our Family & Friends

going through some very tough & trying times with the

changing of each new season. As a wife to a wonderful man

and a Stay~At~Home mom of two very beautiful

daughter’s’; of course only one is still living at home and

the oldest is moving back in a few weeks expecting their first

child; our first Grand~Baby. I'm finding that I have been

struggling with trying to be available to help in all the

ways I'd like to or that anyone would need for me too. But

time is short & life moves by so quickly that we just make

due in our days what we can and start all over again on our

tomorrows. But

What If though; tomorrow never took place?

What If though; you had hurts left undone?

What If though: you had some Unforgiveness?

What If though: you could use words to help another?

What If though: you could simply just Pray for another?

The other day something finally just hit me; “The best thing

I or anyone else can do for another’s family is to just

simply Pray”; Pray for our families; Pray for their health;

Pray for their Peace; Pray for us all to have & hold Joy

and Love in abundance; and the lists of Praying can go

on and on. There are many things I can't do for anyone

else right now as time & money and some times distance

can cause some minor conflicts. But I know in my heart

that our family & friends will benefit so much more from my

Prayers on their behalf as well as ours more so than

anything else I could do. And as I spend time in Prayer

for our family & for theirs; I will just trust that God will

take the lead moving us out of our own ways and show us

all back to the pathways that he had already preplanned for

each of us to take before we were ever thought of. Prayer

is the most powerful tool we can use against whatever

brings us moments of sadness or fear or hurts.  When we

allow God to be in the middle of our hearts the times of this

life which bring pains don’t seem to hurt us quite as badly.

Life can bring many new beginnings as well as endings

into our lives; and as each new one makes its appearance

they can cause us to stumble just a bit off of our main

course in time just as they can speed us rapidly forward for

a bit. I will Pray that God will Bless each and everyone

with the sole of their purposes leading them into the lives he

designed solely for each one of us. Our One True Purpose

in this life. For the past few weeks my Sister & I have been

on a new journey together; we have been Praying the

“Prayer of Jabez” together at the exact same times each day.

I can’t seem to touch on the right words that would better

explain in exact phrasing as to how this has meant so much

more than anything else we could probably find or to do

together. And yet the knowledge that someone you love &

care for is Praying at the very same moment in time as

you makes for a very powerful feeling inside. The sharing

of Faith between Sisters or even friend’s; there are no

other moments which can be as powerful as that of Prayer

& that of Faith. Oh it is easy for us  to share time; when

you have it readily available but like most time is just not

a very free essential we all posse a lot of ; and it is so

easy to go out for lunch together; but to share in

Prayer & Faith now that’s a sharing of something much

more valuable. I am so Thankful and at the very same

time so Blessed to share something so personal with someone

so strong in Faith.

We can share just about anything with another person so

easily; yet some how we don’t really share the true things

of our life that could greatly matter. Like spending

time in Prayer with another or sharing the most important

parts of what we believe & feel like our Faith. Faith is a

powerful feeling all by its self that even when we are at our

lowest as long as we hold on to Faith we can walk on threw

the toughest of times laid out before us. Faith & Prayer

can help sustain us even in the darkest of hours and help

us to hold stead fast forwardly on our way holding closely

to our hearts the knowledge that even when these dark

hours arrive; they are not staying but for a short time and

then they are done. Allowing us the time to start back on

our pathway that was predesigned just for us by God

before we were born. So when all else fails; Just Pray

about it! You’re sure to be given direction from our Father

who loves us more than we could ever really know or

imagine. For what could be better than to believe strongly

in the “Unseen Promises of God” that if we Pray and

release our troubles he will lead & guide us threw whatever

comes.

As we age we become a little wiser & a little more comfortable

with who we are and where it is we are headed. I now know

this to be true; I am far more content with who I am and not

worried any longer with the thoughts or actions of others or

worries over what is to be. Not to say that words or actions

can’t still sting a persons heart for a spell; but they don’t

last or carry any power inside of them.  You begin to

realize also that every talent you have ever attained

throughout your life time; you will use those talents over &

over again in many different ways to help others along

their journeys threw this life as well as your own. I

stumbled across this beautiful fulfilling quote from

John Wesley ~ “Do all the good you can, in all the ways

you can, as long as ever you can." I am more Thankful

today than yesterday that I have a sister who can share

in Prayer just as she can share in this life with me.  I

will strive in my everyday life to live it to its complete

fullness; trying to do the very best I can and to live the

very best life I can. You can only leave behind once you

are gone from this world the memories you leave others

feeling; for they are never going to remember your exact

words or your exact actions; but the memories of a feeling

last forever etched within a persons sole.

I Pray for all a Blessed life touched by moments that

can get your attention bringing you to the place you were

purposed for.

                                        ~Lisa

        2009 swung her door open wide for all of our families

to walk through, I was so excited that Savanna & Stephen

made it in for the holidays and we were able to have Stephen

meet all of our families. There are very few things in this life

which hold true importance over that of family. I am so

proud of mine and of both mine & Dale’s outside families;

everyone can seem to have knots & knock abouts but some

how the Good Lord always manages to place everything in

its true & proper order of importance showing you what

matters and what does not. Stephen loved getting to meet

his new Aunt's and his Uncle Paul, along with his new

Aunt's & Uncle on Dale's side. These have been the best 

2 weeks with them here; we have sure been very busy and

there has not been a quiet moment to be had. Which this

old home needed the Joy that only having all your children

home can bring. 

          Savanna & Stephen are such a precious couple and

I know they are being faced with a trying time as Stephen

gets ready to deploy out in February 2009 to Iraq on top

of getting ready to be new parent’s, seems so unfair that he

will have to head out so soon after being a husband &

learning he will soon be a Dad. But just as I say this I

know that other men & women have already headed out

and finished up their tour of duty. At least now they are

only talking about sending our men & women out for only

a 12 month tour. But I guess anything is possible and

these times can change once they are over there. Stephen

said he was going to try and hold off on his "Block Leave"

until next Christ~Mas so that will make his coming home

time alot closer. We are planning on Video taping the 

delivery for him so that he will not miss any part of his

first born being brought into the world. I can't imagine

what he will be going threw as she delivers here and he 

is over there in Iraq. Stephen is such a fine young man 

we couldn't have picked a better Son~In~Law even if

we tried; Dale & I both love him so much and are very

proud of him.  

          I normally try and place everything in order for the

passing year as a way of viewing and taking in all the

places & times we have just shared over a year; but this year

I decided just to be Grateful for the times we have seen and

walked threw with our families. There have been a lot of sad

days this past year with Dale’s Moms illnesses steadily

progressing in all stages making her life so much harder to

bare. We have more than likely seen more sad days this past

year than all the happy ones tied together; so I will be just

grateful that we made it threw standing together and still

loving one another just as much today as all our yesterdays

put together. So I made a choice not to count the days as in

which order they may have fallen and decided to just let them

all be as they are. I can just be happy that we walked

through them all and are still standing strong as a family on

the very turn of a New Year beginning for us. In the end isn’t

that all that matters any way “Family”?  No matter how your

family is or how they each may view life they are what makes

up the life around you; they help to sustain you and even give

to you when you are in need; now what anyone chooses to

do with those after the gift’s are given is up to solely that

person. I must say I am very proud of all of ours; as I am

sure you are yours.

           Stephen will be moving Savanna home in a month; since

he will be getting 2 weeks of leave before his deployment. That

way Savanna is home with family when she has our precious

Grand~Baby!! We are very excited about being able to see them

again so soon; but I am more excited about Savanna being

home when she gives birth to the next generation to our

families…. That is so awesome!! The first “Great Grand Baby”

to our family on my side; Savanna was the first Grand~Child

and is now bringing in the first Great~Grand Child…..I can’t

wait to spoil him / her rotten.  

           What a life I have been so Blessed to have, I have felt

so much Joy in the last 40 years! There have been moments in

between which have hurt greatly; but those only last for such a

short time. That they can never out weigh my more important

& Joyous days that lay waiting on me to arrive in. I used to

count my sorrows as my stair way to where I was headed

and used them to guard me from any harm another could set

in motion; but some how my Heart just filled up in this place I

am and nothing seems to be able to penetrate it any longer.

As I am sure age makes us more aware of who we are and

what we choose, I have noticed that I am a lot more at Peace

within and I no longer look backwards as I once did when I

was younger. Those days shall always hold a bit of weight but

not as much as they once did if that makes any sense. I had

always heard that once you reached a certain age you put away

the ways of young and move into the next phase of your life;

I am now there and I am so happy and so full of love  for my

family. Take your days and count them as Joyous & full of

Love for they are your days and you will never have any of these

moments you stand in again. They are what you are so

make them Beautiful and make them Count as nothing else

truly matters when you look at life  as just a journey that will

all too soon come to an end. May your Journey be that of

Happy moments filled with family & lots of really great

friendships.

             I hope everyone has a wonderful New Year with

a lot of happiness to follow within these next few days and

months.

                                 ~ Lisa

                    The only distance between

                           Heaven & Hell

                              18 Inches

                       From Head To Heart

        We visited Mom the other day at the nursing home

after her release from the hospital stay, and she made one

of those comments that you only normally read; but never

hear one actually say aloud. Mom had been crying

endlessly and sobbing so that often her words always

remained the same over & over until she looked at Dale

and told him she looked at herself in the mirror earlier

in the day and just didn’t even recognize herself. Aging

is such a scary place for one to find them selves standing

when looking for a familiar face for comfort yet upon looking

closely you still find no one you recognize to be familiar

when in front of the mirror you stand. This illness has

really begun a full out attack against whom Mom once was;

who she once lived her life for; and who she once believed

would save her from all parallels of pain that would come

her way when the evils of this life showed their weapons.

So many questions as to why something like this disease is

able to find existence in this life; when one lives their whole

life the way God him self says we should. Mom has lived

a life without worry whether God was standing beside her;

well that is until now. Now she questions his very existence

at times and his very presence in her life while suffering

through this endless disease she now carries around with her.

         I often times find myself when we visit with her so

Grateful that I am no longer her full time Care~Giver; no

matter how many times this thought crosses over my heart it

remains to be the breaking point of my spirit that I some how

let her down in not being able to care for her longer; yet on

the other hand I don’t know that I would be able to bare the

pain of watching her suffer from this disease any longer and

not be able to do anything that would bring her Peace of Heart.

Or be able to care for her the way she needs to be cared for and

constantly be watched over; the thoughts that now cross her

mind are terrible thoughts that you know would never have been

given any second chances too had she been whole or should I

say when she was once whole. Where in the devil did something

like this Alzheimer’s Disease come from; and why does it have

to attack those that have lived a pure & true life. When I think

back to the “Lady” I grew to call Mom; I met over 11 years

ago I remember thinking “Wow” are people really this kind are

they really this caring? Then getting to know her better the

pureness just ran from her very veins touching every part of who

you are and you just knew she was who she is standing in front

of you as when she is standing all alone in one of her own

rooms with no one around seeing the real her.

       The truest act of character is who you are when no one sees

what you do but God; and the truest measure of your own self is

what you do for others that no one knows about. This is one of

those “Lady’s” that is in public who she is in private and her

character never wavers in private. She is the truest & purest

form of kindness & genuine love; she would truly give until she

had nothing left to give; and yet stand before you and ask

nothing in return. She is a woman who is so in love with her

family and wants all the good for them there is in this life; yet

never worried about self.  When you come across someone so

remarkable you just want to strive to be like them; sometimes

this can come easily to people and others find themselves not

understanding how the other person got where they are so easily

without fail. It comes from “Belief’s”; it comes from “Love”;

it comes from believing upon something greater than ones “Self”;

it comes from “Patience”; it comes from times of “Trials”; it

comes from weathering your “Storms” through this life and

knowing that with your “Faith” all troubles will one day stand

still; it comes from so many different places in ones self; like a

seed God planet’s in you long before you are born. Yet he knows

the seed will one day grow and bare more fruit than your

branches can hold, just the knowing that God is the “Tree” in

which your branches will grow from. The seeds God planted in

Moms children long ago have grown into them fine young

adults that she & their Dad have been very proud of all these

years. But now she can’t even be allowed to remember those

feelings.

         And now this disease has robbed her of all that she stood

for & has carried her very soul into the depths of this darkness

called Alzheimer’s Disease; she has been robbed of all that she

clung too & cherished in this life. It has cradled away from her

the very warmth that only God himself gave to her so that she is

left standing freezing before us and there is just nothing we can

do to warm her spirits; no blanket to be found thick enough to

fight off the freeze taking over her heart & her spirit. If only

this disease could stand before us where we can see it’s face or

it’s many coats of armor as to set forth an appropriate attack

against it. Maybe then we could win at least one round instead

of being made to stand there tongue tied with no words of

comfort that is able to penetrate her heart. There is no Joy;

there is no Hope; there is only sorrow; & fear surrounded by

endless moments of pain.          

   There will be a brighter day ahead some where just lying in

wait; when the Angels will one day sing her name and her trials

on this earth will end and her sorrow be no more. Till then she

is loved beyond measure no matter! How often have we heard

you are to love even when it hurts; you are to hope even when

hope is so scarce; you are to seek & the answers will one day

be found. Keep right on walking forward; don’t tarry from the

beaten path seeking out a better one to take; stay upon the path

the Lord has provided even when it is too long to walk.

Alzheimer’s Disease is a darkened pathway with no lights

shining down from Heaven through the thick forest; with the

exceptions of light rays of laughter here and there. I guess I

have just seeked out my own answers upon writing this piece;

I can recall slight moments of laughter when the tears aren’t

streaming. So in between the tears & the sorrow she is able to

at times feel moments of Joy no matter how slight they may

be. She is able at times to find a giggle or two in between the

sobs; she is able to let out a slight smirk of sarcasms when

the mood so provides the right time. Letting you know or

rather see glimpses’ of the woman we call “Mama” or in my

case “Mom”. God can still be seen in the smallest of rays;

I guess in many ways letting us know he is with her

and she is not alone throughout this scary &

heart~wrenching battle & ordeal with Alzheimer’s.

No Matter!

                                         ~ Lisa 

     "Just maybe if some how we can adjust ourselves

to the fact that the true or real realization that it is

not the memories which are important; but that the

"Today" this very moment you stand in are the

true fibers of what real importance consist of; and

not our tomorrows or even our yesterdays are

something we should not even worry over for the

yesterdays are completed and our tomorrows have

yet to appear before us".

                                        ~ Lisa